I spent $10,400 at Target in 2024. In January, I plan to spend $0.

My vice isn't drinking, smoking or drugs. But it is shopping. And in 2025, I hope to change that.

I would be terrified to know how much I spent at Target in 2024. It was probably around $200 a week which if you multiple that by 52 weeks, it puts me at $10,400 for the whole year. Yikes.

(And that estimate is on the lower and more gracious end)

When the pandemic really ramped up in 2020, I lost touch with a lot of things in my daily life that brought me joy. Not just joy, but broke up the boredom I often felt with monotony. Like seeing friends and coworkers, planning trips and having reasons to get dressed up. Even if it was to go into a stuffy office. At least I had somewhere to be.

As a result, one of the only places I could go during my days filled with boredom was the store. Target was my favorite of all. I convinced myself that each daily trip was necessary. My thought process went like this:

“Hmmm, I guess I need fresh bread for dinner tonight. But I will park on the side furthest from the grocery section so then I have to walk through the entire store. And if I really see something I absolutely need, then I will grab it. I do really want that e.l.f. lipgloss in another shade. And since I didn’t get it last time, I can treat myself to it this time as a reward. Oh, and I should probably check out the pillow section, too, since I have to switch out my Halloween pillows with something Christmas. Maybe I could use a 5th pair of light wash jeans, as well.”

Suddenly a $5 loaf of bread turned into a $175 shopping trip. I would feel guilty as soon as I sat down in my car with the bags of items I did not need.

I stopped shopping at a normal grocery store because they didn’t have a convenient makeup, clothing and home decor section like Target did. The addiction got even worse when the Target closest to me added a mini ULTA store inside.

I don’t have many vices. I don’t drink. I don’t smoke. I’ve never vaped. Those things never interested me. So I convinced myself that shopping wasn’t that bad because people had “worse” addictions.

The consciousness of how bad overconsumption is sometimes overcomes me like a wave, knocking me and my shopping bags over from behind. But just like the ocean, those waves retreat right back and leave me alone. Even just for a second. I can go back to shopping for things I don’t need, guilt-free.

I realized I had a problem when I would go to different Targets in my city so that the employees didn’t notice me from the day before (or few hours before) and realize how bad my shopping addiction had become. Not that any of them would notice. But the guilt and paranoia of a potential shopping addiction overcame me in 2024.

The first sign of addiction is hiding it and feeling shame, right?

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“My days were boring and lonely. But Target was always there.”

When I became a full-time creator, I had a lot more free time than ever. That free-time is great but the lack of structure and being around other human beings took a toll on me. I craved going to the mall or a Target because sometimes that was the only part of the whole day where I was co-existing next to other humans. I didn’t have to interact with them or make eye contact. Oftentimes, I used self-check out so I didn’t even speak directly to anyone. But there was something comforting about standing in an aisle next to another person when you spend days on end in your lonely apartment, talking to your phone for a living.

The most shame I would feel around my shopping addiction was when I would fill entire storage bins (new bins I just bought at Target) with clothing items that I would then donate to Goodwill or throw out, if I didn’t feel like making the 30-minute drive. Some of these items still had tags on them. I didn’t even wear them! Even though I convinced myself that I was doing something righteous by donating some of my clothes to a Goodwill, I knew deep down they were probably going to end up in a landfill anyways. Just like all the makeup I used maybe once or twice then threw away.

This article isn’t for pity but rather a moment of self-reflection. And sometimes we learn most about ourselves by reaching out and seeing others who possibly mirror these problems back to us.

And I think I am tapping into a collective feeling. More and more people are becoming aware of overconsumption, often perpetuated by my own industry.

The first trend report of 2025 will be about my shopping addiction and how the influencer-industry, at large, contributes to wasteful spending. I will discuss:

1. Wasteful consumption and P.R. gifting in the influencer industry

2. Audiences growing smarter to the ways of overconsumption being pushed on them

3. The future of the fashion and makeup industries as audiences become more aware of mass consumption

4. My personal rules for “No Buy January”

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